Short Harry Potter stories: Barenaked Ladies
by Let It Ring
Summary: Just what the title says. Each one is a paragraph long, and has one or two lines from the song at the beginning. R and R
1. Default Chapter

19 short Harry Potter stories inspired by Barenaked Ladies songs  
  
AN: Just what the title says. I have a CD of their greatest hits, 1991- 2001, and all these have one line from the song, and are about a paragraph each.  
  
1: The Old Apartment  
  
(Takes place 10 years after Hogwarts, HP days. R and H and their children.)  
  
"You know, 'Mione, we should take Ella, John and Luka (Borrowed, I am aware) to Hogwarts." "Yeah. EL! JOHN! LUKEY! Please go to the fireplace."  
  
~This is where we used to live, broken glass, broken hearts and broken bones, this is where we used to live~  
  
"Where are we going?" John asked. "To our old house. HOGWARTS!" yelled Hermione. "Whoa," breathed Ella. "I don't see anything but a ruin," Luka remarked. "Uh oh," said Hermione "take him home, Ron," "All right. Castlebrook!" ~this is where we used to live, broken glass broken hearts and broken bones; this is where we used to live. ~  
  
"Well, guys, this is where we used to live."  
  
2: Falling for the First Time  
  
(The Marauders and Lily's first year. Lily isn't quite fitting in. Lily, James, Sirius, Peter and Remus.)  
  
~I'm so cool; too bad I'm a loser. I'm so smart; too bad I can't get anything figured out. I'm so brave; too bad I'm a baby. I'm so fly, that's probably why it feels like I'm falling for the first time. ~  
  
Lily Evans didn't fit in. She had always been a bit odd, but here, she was the biggest loser in the world. Boy, she could do magic, that was true, but she couldn't find the toilets, the classrooms or anything, which made her the laughingstock of the school. She was a BABY! And she HATED that James Potter. Loathed, really. 'Oh well,' she thought to herself. "Better get to potions.' Quickly, she put all of her angry thoughts out of her head and headed to potions class with renewed confidence.  
  
3: Brian Wilson  
  
(Hp times. After a long day, Hermione thinks about a lot of things, including a secret… 7th year)  
  
~Lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did, oh yeah, I'm lying in bed, just like Brian Wilson did, just starin' at the ceiling~  
  
Hermione Granger flopped on the bed. The child inside of her kicked angrily. She climbed under the covers, and stared at the ceiling. 'Well,' she thought. 'Today was the longest day EVER!' "Mmph!" she said, shooting up suddenly. The pain disappeared, and she lay back down. 'Arrgh. This baby won't be a secret much longer,' she thought. "Mmph!" she said, as another contraction came, she wriggled out of bed. "Ron," she said softly, entering the boy's dormitories. "Ron, you need to come. I-" Hermione stopped short and gasped. Ron looked alarmed. "Hermione, it's okay, really. Hang on! I'll get Madame Pomfrey. Lay down." Ron bolted form the room. Hermione lay down on the bed. Madame Pomfrey and Ron entered as a contraction came. Hermione moaned, and Madame Pomfrey gave instructions. Hours later, a tired Hermione held her daughter, and stared up at the ceiling.  
  
4: One Week  
  
(MWPP days. A fight between a then-together Sirius and Lily)  
  
~It's been one week since you looked at me, cocked your head to the side and said 'I'm angry'. It's been 5 days since you laughed at me, said, 'Get back together and come back and see me'~  
  
"Lily, I'm-" "No need, Sirius. I am angry, and you don't look together yet," Lily said, surveying Sirius's rather dejected appearance. "And anyway," piped up Remus, it's two days till you actually make up." "Oh, yeah. Let's go play Quidditch. Bye, Lily!" Lily sighed. "Oh, Sirius. You are an idiot," she sighed, "go ahead. Play Quidditch."  
  
  
  
5: Be My Yoko Ono  
  
(HP days. Harry has a problem. Ginny is following him around. 2nd year.)  
  
~You can be my Yoko Ono, you can follow me wherever I go~  
  
"Oooh!" squealed a little redheaded SOMETHING and disappeared behind a suit of armor. "Ginny," Ron explained. "Oh," Harry replied, "Ron, you look peeved by something." Ron looked wistful. "I miss Hermione." Ron turned a deep scarlet. Harry put his arm on his best friend. "Quit following us, Gin- gin!" Ron yelled in exasperation. "No, that's okay," Harry, said to his friend. "Where're we goin'?" Ginny asked. "To Herbology," Harry answered. "Oh," said Ginny. She broke off, wandering around, humming.  
  
~You can be my Yoko Ono, you can follow me wherever I go~  
  
  
  
6: Alternative Girlfriend  
  
(MWWP, James is dating an Elizabeth McCann. Lily is also going out with him. What will happen when he gets two dates the same night?)  
  
~You're my alternative girlfriend; I love you, now you cannot pretend. Last night, we slept on the lawn, when you woke, I was gone, back to the dream I dream to leave My life with her is a bore ~  
  
"Hello, Lily," James said nervously. Lily smiled. "Shall we dance?" "But of course." Lily and James danced for a while, and eventually collapsed onto the ground. Lily pointed out all the constellations until she fell asleep. James made sure she was indeed asleep, and snuck off to meet Elizabeth. "Hello, Lizzie," he said. Elizabeth and James headed to the Leaky Cauldron to go to the nightclub. They fell asleep in the common room together. When Lily awoke, James was gone.  
  
~You're my alternative girlfriend, I love you, and you cannot pretend. ~  
  
  
  
AN: I am going to post this now, and if I get 3 reviews, then, I'll do the rest. 


	2. Some More! Jane, If I Had a Million Doll...

7: It's Only Me (The Wizard of Magicland)  
  
AN: James Potter is something of an egomaniac, but a certain redheaded girl turns that around.  
  
~Speaking as a guy who's really got it going on, it's only natural, it's only me. ~  
  
Lily Evans sighed. That Potter prat thought of only himself. Everyone else didn't care, but that, she mused, that was probably because they didn't have to put up with it. Well, not exactly. Anyway, she and James had been going together for about 3 months. Sighing, Lily yanked herself up from the chair in search of Potter.  
  
"Hello, Mr Brat-boy," Lily sighed, upon seeing James sitting in an empty classroom, looking at himself.  
  
"Oh! Lily, it's not what it looks like…"  
  
"James, if you want to stay with me, then quit being such an egomaniac!"  
  
Since that day, James joined several clubs, such as Lily's House-elf project and Help the First years.  
  
  
  
8: If I Had a Million Dollars  
  
AN: Ron wishes that he were as rich as Viktor so he could impress Hermione…  
  
~If I had a million dollars, I'd buy your love~  
  
Ron Weasley sighed. His best friend was in Ginny's bedroom, crying hysterically. She had written saying that she wanted to come back from Bulgaria, could he please come get her, but he'd ignored them. Finally, that afternoon, she'd turned up, crying and sooty, in their fireplace.  
  
"Oh, Hermione! What's wrong?"  
  
"V-Viktor… said that he c-changed his mind, didn't want me…"  
  
"Oh, you poor dear… Come here, I'll get you tea and you can go lay down…" He remembered his mother saying.  
  
"Hermione… Hermione… wake up…"  
  
Hermione shifted and woke up.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know that we aren't as rich as Viktor's family, but would you like to be my girlfriend?"  
  
"I don't need any money! Sure, I'll be your girlfriend!"  
  
~If I had a million dollars…~  
  
  
  
9: Call and Answer  
  
AN: James and Lily are piecing together their relationship, with a little help, of course!  
  
~If you call, I will answer… If you fall, I'll pick you up… If you call this disaster, I'll point you home…~  
  
James Potter looked Lily straight in the eye.  
  
"Lily Evans… I swear… If you call for me… I will answer to you… And if you fall… I promise to pick you up…"  
  
Lily Evans looked James straight in the eye.  
  
"James Potter… I solemnly swear to look after you… And love you… And hold you… I will never abscond you. Can we kiss now?" They kissed for a while before heading back to the flat hand-in-hand.  
  
  
  
10: Get In Line  
  
AN: A story about Percy, who we all know is P-A-R-A-N-O-I-D.  
  
~Everywhere I go, someone in a trench coat's staring at me; when I'm not at home I'm sure someone's rummaging through my trash…~  
  
"Penny…"  
  
"Percival, don't whine, it's not good for your ego. Nothing's going to happen."  
  
But all through the date Percy obsessed.  
  
"Is that man looking at us?"  
  
"No, Percival."  
  
"I have to go home. Someone is bound to be rummaging through our trash."  
  
"Percival… Waiter? Cheque, please."  
  
11: It's All Been Done  
  
AN: L/J.  
  
~If I put my fingers here,  
  
And if I say "I love you, dear"  
  
And if I play the same three chords  
  
Will you just yawn and say…~  
  
James was trying desperately to impress Lily. A midnight serenade? Lily had millions of those. Giving her a hug? Too easy. Saying 'I love you'? Bah! Parents said 'I love you'. Not boys trying to impress girls!  
  
'Oh, well,' he thought lazily. 'I guess I'll never get a girlfriend. Oh, well.'  
  
12: Jane  
  
AN: Draco and Ginny.  
  
~Jane,  
  
Divided, but I can't decide which side I'm on~  
  
Draco Malfoy was about to make the most pertinent decision of his life.  
  
"Well, do you, Mr Malfoy?"  
  
"I decline, sir."  
  
"You what, Malfoy?"  
  
"I decline."  
  
"Reason?"  
  
"For love." With that, Draco got up and left.  
  
"Hello, Draco dear."  
  
"Hi, Gin. I declined."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For you and Roslyn, dear."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
AN: Only 7 more! I'll post the rest after I get 2 reviews. 


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